rescue me~

Originally this post was going to be a diatribe, well all my post are so perhaps I should say it was to be a rant. A rant about how all I want in life is someone to rescue me. No not from the world, but from me. Someone to save me from no one, nothing, but me. Someone to step in and pick me up when i fall without the daunting lectures or roll of the eyes. Someone that wants to call on a daily basis just to say hi and listen to what I have to say, sometimes, maybe just to hear my shrill little voice Someone that longs to talk to me, to hear my ideas, my dreams, my fears and yes those ever out of reach desires. Then something happened, I got stood up for pulling shrubs out of my yard after a definitive "I'll be there in the morning baby, because i want to help you do it!" And I had lunch. After these two events things came together for me~ came together like a hurricane hitting land slightly before it's projected time. You know, while everyone is still admiring the giant waves and surfing cuz it's the calm before the storm.

The one who was supposed to help with the shrubs, he texted at one to let me know he'd be late for his 9 a.m. commitment.. He wanted me to know he needed to help his dad for awhile. For the life of him he couldn't figure out why I might be a little hurt by the fact that 4 hours after said time he decided to let me know he'd be late... He decided that i was upset because he was helping his dad. He actually found the nerve to say "i enjoy hanging out with you, you're fun to be with and a great fuck but my family comes first." O.k. can you ethically use 'great fuck and family' in the same sentence? hmm,i dunno. now before i go and alienate him completely i have to say this boy has done more for me in 6 weeks than the man i was married to for 7 years did.. and that alone leaves me speechless and thankful and alas a little confused as to why he felt the need to drop the family statement on me... i mean really.

O.k. not showing up is one thing, lying about why you don't show up is another BUT feeling the need to tell someone you've been sleeping with for 6 weeks that your family comes first~ is that sane? What kind of person doesn't know that? Clearly the person that refuses to answer the question "Are you missing me?" doesn't know. Honestly, how do you answer that question when it's been less than 4 hours since you left the person asking the quesiton in your bed?? Jesus, I gotta get some emotions cuz my response is a standard "maybe." Not what someone wants to hear when there asking that oh, 5 times a day. Honestly, it's a shame i'm not a man because I'm more like a man than the men I date. If they cry, (wait that's my friend mean eyed cat) if they are flakey and completly incapable of commitment I want 'em. Ohh if they ride a harley that scores even more points.

This brings us to lunch.

For whatever reason, after 3 months this boy pops back up to let me know how sorry he is for dumping me for his on again off again ex.. Hello, can we all just be straight up from the get go and say "hey, i've got living breathing baggage and she'll be home any minute." if we could it'd save us all a lot of heartache Well, it's save me some. Anyway lunch~ the first one, he's a cop... the second one.. well, he's got a harley.. needless to say they both have attitude. enough to cover each other and me. O.k. lunch. After being not amused by the stand~up i decide to go to lunch with the latter just to see if it's worth it to cross down that rode again.. When all the signs are already saying 'NO' after having drinks two nights before. why are the signs saying 'no!!!!' because par normal the evening ended with i'll call you tomorrow, of course that lapsed into two days later. i know better but like all good girls i go. i enjoy the conversation, i enjoy the laughs and hints at doing this again... and it ends with "i'll call you tomorrow!' for fuck sake.. if you say you're gonna do something.. is it just a testosterone thing to not be able to do it?? from shrubs to calls? am i asking to much? because i realized in a fit of rage powerful enough to uproot fucking shrubs that have roots to the summer olympics,that I don't need to be rescued. I have me.. the one person I'll always have. me. and if i'mlucky a few good friends along the way that are willing to help me pull the shrubs, call when they say, someone who lets me help them do their job...cuz they know it's my dream job and i'm to much of a coward to go forward with it.. and occasionally rescue me. From me.