would it be to much to ask to get through a 2 day period without my regional calling me and letting me know how much I've failed yet again? probably. However, after last weeks 3 day flogging I kept my composure and after hanging up and stepping out of the public area I am in went out called again and explained how it's going. that bastard's blood pressure has to be high as a kite. the sad part is, i truly do like and respect him.. but am on the verge of suggestion hormones for the violent bloody swings.. i would give almost anything to never shed another tear on any business related situation. calm cool and collected.. i'm not. heh.. no matter how hard i try when i get angry i cry, i cry or flip out in the form of letting everyone in my path exactly what i think of them and their actions.. it's like a freshly woven spider web.. entrapping all that have crossed my path at any time.

the worse part about all this is that i've really got short timers disease, but I've not given notice yet, I desperately need 5 more pay checks.. or unemployment.. at the rate i'm going unemployment shouldn't be a problem.. it kinda hurts my heart to think like that cuz i've worked really hard to get to where i am. and well, fuck it. sometimes you just take the wrong road.. sometimes, you take the wrong fucking expressway and can't figure off where you put your change to pay the toll because you were in such a hurry to get moving. yes, that is the story of my life.. quick jump on that ramp, head south, don't stop for lunch and god help you if the state patrol heads up behind you..cuz we ain't FUCKING STOPPING until we've burned the engine up and used the last drop of water on something useless like, drinking. good girl... now clean up your mess.. wipe off your knees and start over. perhaps this time start in 1st gear, instead of a dead run into drive.. cruising altitude should never make you short of breath. you should never have to wonder if they will be dropping oxygen down for your landing.

today started innocently enough.. a trip to the gym.. even ran a couple miles much to my amazement.. funny how you just wake up one day and realize.. it's time.. you live in Nebraska and your ass is in Oklahoma.

As i sit here typing away i am starting to see flaws in my shiny new computer.. flaws that i haven't given it.. because i don't have time to use it.. flaws that the person who bought it for me have given it.. cuz i'm to busy to use it.. if it gets much more i know what will happen.. I'll stop using it completely.. oh well.. i should be thrilled to have it.. but just once i'd like to walk in and see it where i left it... waiting for me. yes, i'm a selfish bitch. love me, hate me.. i don't care.. o.k. there are a select few i care what they think..